anxiety, I just can't lie to me.txt The unexpected drowns the pain and severApocalypse is standing on the doorstep, how?The welcome mat gets washed away foreverClose the doors into my sick little fortress nowMake the last words she said remain foreverWe don't have to stay togetherIt's still to late to make it better.But stay, you don't have to fight my deamonsYou bring me light and freedomIt gives my poor little life a meaningI'm hanging from the edgeAnd this is something you have to get used toSo if you're gonna save me, babyYou can't just hold my hand when it suits youA sparkle in this darkness that hurts usYou're flawless, you're perfect..But love is not eternal.We love without a purpose,And so it turns this world into garbage.I'm done chasing this purposes, honestI want to choke my self til' I turn purple and vomitFuck this life, There's a journey that starts hereAnd you're welcome to join if you got a heart and a compassFuck the poetry for a minute, It's like this My family died and without reason I hate my dad He could be the greatest dad, he would still make me mad I'm depressed and my anger and temper is very bad And I feel abandonned by all the good friends I had But you're my sunshine, You're my everything, You're every single love cliché Fuck the metaphor, you know I love you, babeThe greatest can come, but it won't move meGod overthrew me, Washed everything away so smoothlyTry to move me, Death couldn't even move meBut drowned all the angels that ever knew meStill I'm so tired of living this life that I'm givenI don't wanna die, I'm not wishing for anythingBesides a glimce of light in this prisson.I'm a wandering spirit walking through empty hallwaysBehind myself, I wander alone, forever and always.Until you call me and make this walls break.
Yeah, I can see you´re goin for the sob story approach,I´m just not feelin ya dawg..And if this was a verse, I doubt it could be dropped on a beat andflow, with the music.At the end of the day, no matter what you´re tryina do,poetry, rhymin, or pretty much whatever.Ya gotta keep it interesting, and ya gotta be on point with it.And one significant aspect of what´s wrong with this verse,it´s that this is some, neither here nor there shit.This piece starts off like you´re tryin to write a verse, and then a little further into it, it appears as if you´re tryinawrite poetry. And the main reason, apart from the above mentioned reasons, why this just doesn´t fly, is that this is neither here nor there.And you might also wanna look into your vocab and usage of it.Since you seem to wanna be on the wordy tip.And sometimes less is more.Try to work on and find a way to say just as much,or more, only with less words..But I´d still say that this was a worthy attempt and you went for it.You don´t appear to have any problems with gettinpersonal with it, and so I wouldn´t call your piece superficial.but ya gotta put MORE work into it, to get it tighter.Keep doin ya thing and stay up!