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Da beast that couldn´t be defeated..

Vår Hiphop - Lyricism

   

2008-07-15 00:17

Da beast that couldn´t be defeated..

This is more like a poem, but it does rhyme and has a rhyme like flow to it.



There once was a little town.
Let´s say, a SMALL comunity.
Where the people lived well,
and enjoyed impunity.
All was great, or so it would appear,
except people got haughty,
Thinkin´ they had nothing to fear!
N´ like any other town, it had it´s fair
share.
Of simpletons, dimwhitted fools, and oafs!
And weak individuals, quick to turn their coats!
Some of the towns people,
walked around with their chests out.
The lack of adversaries, had them thinking
they were the best out!
And as you know,
The one-eyed man is king,
in the land of the blind!
So when the one-eyed men went astray,
the people followed close behind.
Well, thruth be told,
some people chose a different path.
They supported the men, who evidentally,
knew more than the half!
Some would just laugh,
make jest and mock.
Until the BEAST appeared!
And all the mockery would STOP!
The beast had crawled out of the ocean,
and settled at the town gates,
upon a great rock.
Everyone began to fret,
and woe themselves, and their fate!
His first feast was a happless clown.
Too misguided to walk straight!
And so the carnage began.
The beast proclaimed his rule,
and devoured many men!
Some said he was a demon,
some said the beast was a Jinn!
And so the rulers of the town,
assembled their counsel!
Alerted their soldiers, and prayed for the beasts
downfall.
Weeks went by and the beast did tax them.
At least, 10 men a week,
to feed was all that relaxed him.
They couldn´t distract him,
he was SO on point!
And he used to exclaim:
"My work here isn´t done!
Until my face is on your coins"!!
He would rip people in half, and enjoy,
tender-loins!
And when the people cried in fear,
they would hear it in Demoines!
Basically, by now the beast had become,
a PROBLEM!
They sent word far and wide,
but nobody came to "solve" him!
Now the towns population, diminished "rap"idly!
The ones that remained,
lived in pain,
disheveled, and haphazardly!
Sure,
many men set out to defeat the bloodthirsty BEAST!
But they NEVER returned,
And the weak craved peace.
Their town had been plagued with this MONSTER,
for SO long.
Some tried to approach him on his rock,
but couldn´t reach him, too WEAK to hold on!
And wouldn´t you belive? Now the haughtyness was GONE!
People feared going to sleep, so they stayed up
until dawn!
The beast lived WELL,
Now that his name rang bells,
of doom.
He only worried about his food supply,
not the people he consumed!!

Yeah... long story short, this little town and it´s people were basically FUKKED!

Except for a few of it´s inhabitants that were intelligent and wise enough to
become allies of the BEAST!

End of story. And the moral to it, well you´ll figure it out..or PERRISH!!



































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2008-07-15 11:17
UPPIN THIS! HOLLA.
Denna användare har skrivit alla inlägg där användaren har tagits bort från whoa.

2008-07-16 11:37
UPPIN.
Denna användare har skrivit alla inlägg där användaren har tagits bort från whoa.

2008-07-16 22:53
Ska skriva, jag är positivt överraskad. Har läst dina senaste(inte riktigt orkat mig igenom en del av dem. Ditt sätt att skriva är rätt speciellt) och tycker på ett ungefär samma som denna.

Denna var, ok. En del rätt bra rader, en del fiffiga rader. På de flesta ställen en bra vokabulär och fucked up rimscheman uppskattas som vanligt(gör det jobbigt att läsa men ändå).

Visst finns en del rader, jag personligen skulle tipsat dig att ta bort. Men det egentliga problemet är att texten känns fruktansvärt utdragen. Blir liksom jobbigt och benigt efter ett tag. Liksom sitta och gräva sig igenom. Du behöver inte 1000000 bars för att folk ska liksom vara typ "OH SHIT THIS IS HATER PROOF". Behåll hellre de bra raderna, ha ngn rad emellan för att historien ska fortsätta. Bättre att ha en overall bra text än att ha små peaks lite här och var.

Men måste säga detta är 1000 ggr bättre än den där första texten jag läste av dig. Gud den hade inget positivt alls. Så en upp för utvecklingen får du. Big ups.(Och ja jag fattade vad du menade med texten).




Ajuste PS. Få inte för dig ngt, du är långt ifrån Whoa's räddare lyriskt. Men måste erkänna att du blivit bättre. De första två du la upp var rent av värdelösa medan de senaste haft några bra rader(de flesta blir utpekade). Så för att vara tydlig, än en gång. Du är inte the shit yet. Men du utvecklas och för det förtjänar du props.